In this brutally honest end-of-year recap, satire meets reality. The world burns while the patriarchy cheers.
politics | america | elections | trump | women
2024 is rapidly packing up its bags, leaving us with the much-anticipated sequel: 2025 – What The Hell Will Happen Next? The world stage is set, and the future looks grimmer than the reaper himself.
The war continues in Ukraine, the international community keeps issuing sternly worded emails and Mr Putin keeps ignoring them, hovering his finger over that nuclear button while sitting shirtless at his giant table surrounded by gold furniture and huge telephones that look like they're the last remaining items from Chernobyl. Over in Gaza, the grim reaper has been working overtime. More than 40,000 people have been killed, mostly women and children, because nothing screams progress like decimating a civilian population while the world live streams it. Meanwhile, nearly a third of humanity is teetering on the edge of chronic hunger, staring at a plate that looks emptier than a billionaire's conscience. And those billionaires? They’re swimming in unprecedented levels of wealth, controlling all of our media, flying rockets into space, and assisting the authoritarians in their quest for worldwide domination.
It's all looking very bleak, and this post isn't going to help lift anyone's mood, so stop reading now if you're looking for some positivity.
President Trump | Season 2 - The Return Of The Felon
In a surprising plot twist that everybody saw coming, the U.S. has re-elected a convicted felon. Hooray, hooray! The orange man is back! Mr Trump of Trump Towers is busying himself assembling a government of political amateurs so inexperienced, they make The Apprentice cast look like Nobel laureates. What could possibly go wrong? Well, as it turns out, quite a lot. Some extremely morally-minded, left-wing voters chose good ol' Donny over female and brown Kamala, because, they erroneously believed that he would do something to stop the slaughter of Palestinians. I mean, they're not wrong. He will hand Netanyahu more weapons to get the job done faster, so the slaughter will definitely stop as everyone will just be dead. Simple and efficient.
But let's not kid ourselves. This election result was brought to you by deep-seated misogyny. So institutionalised is the patriarchy, that over 53% of white women voted for the guy who thinks grab ’em by the pussy is a great policy. Among them, 80% identify as Evangelical Christians, because when asked “What Would Jesus Do?”, their money-grabbing preacher man told them to vote for the man who is most likely to let your daughter die in childbirth, rather than have access to lifesaving abortion treatment because that is unholy and against god's will. These are women who have drunk so much of the Trump Kool-Aid, that they think the biggest threat to their lives and the lives of their children is drag queens and trans people. Not the actual, literal burning of the planet, or the actual literal shooting of children in schools.
Once upon a time, I lived in a bubble — the pragmatic, sensible bubble where we all believed the far-right, the misogynists, and the religious fanatics would eventually lose. Oh how cute was I? Turns out, we’re in the minority now. A small, fractured minority battling a massive, united coalition of white/CIS/hetero/conservative values.
They’re united, alright — united in their hatred of anything that deviates from their ideal worldview, where it’s 1953 forever, cigarettes are healthy and big, gas guzzling cars are the only way to show your neighbours that you've really made it in life. Meanwhile, we’re out here squabbling over pronouns, wondering if posting another infographic on Instagram will save democracy. Spoiler: it won’t. Trust me, I've tried.
But hey, at least we’ve got front-row seats to the collapse of civilization. Bring popcorn. And just to be on the safe side, a hazmat suit.
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