Having Spent Life Seeking | Kae Tempest

I started this book with high hopes after seeing Kae Tempest perform at the Roundhouse in London earlier this year. He's best known for his raw, emotional voice and has been the recipient of numerous poetry and music awards. I was prepared to be moved, challenged, engaged. But by the time I'd turned the last page, I was left feeling underwhelmed and a little frustrated.

This novel doesn't lack feeling, it drowns in it. Every sentence seems to scream, "Feel this! This is deep!", but the problem is that it never manages to show you why. The prose is so overwrought and desperate to be poetic, that it just ends up feeling a little hollow, a little shallow. At times it feels like you're reading a teenager's diary. A young adult who's just discovered the weight of the world and is convinced no one else has ever felt this deeply before. The book slips in and out of verse and at times I wasn't sure if I was reading a novel or a long and disjointed poem. The book (maybe the clue is in the title?) seems to be searching for it's own identity, but never quite finds it.

The main character is Rothko, who, unfortunately, doesn't come across much like a real person. Their journey is framed as one of self-discovery and trauma, but they end up being completely defined only by their suffering. There's no depth to them or the supporting characters. They have no complexity other than to be the vessel for Tempest's themes, and that's perhaps the real issue: trauma isn't a plot. Trauma alone doesn't make the story compelling or relatable. Without giving the reader something to anchor themselves to, then it just feels like wallowing.

There's an edge of pretentiousness to this book that I found hard to ignore. It feels like Tempest is trying a bit too hard to be profound, too hard to be ground-breaking, that they end up losing sight of what actually makes a story resonate with a reader. Each line is begging to be admired for its depth, but depth isn't something that can be forced. 

I wanted to love this book so much. I wanted to be swept away with Rothko on their journey of recovery and healing and self discovery and acceptance, but Having Spent Life Seeking doesn't deliver on any of these promises. It's over-the-top emotion with no substance. If you're a die hard fan of Kae Tempest, then you might find something here, but I would recommend sticking to listening to his awesome new album, or waiting for the next book which will hopefully be better.